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avatar Zandoms42 1 year.ago

Ever heard of a coon-skin cap?

I had one but i was told i couldn't wear it anymore, probably because they're considered people now.

darkjoke

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1. One of my buddies asked me if I'll ever stop drinking

I said sure, I don't plan on living forever.

2. I was sitting on the sofa watching some youtube on the telly last night, when my wife from the bedroom yelled, "Do you ever get pains in your chest like someone with a voodoo doll is stabbing it?" I replied, "No."

Then she asked, "How about now?"

3. Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"

I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

4. Mary Poppins' lipstick

Did you know that Mary Poppins has stopped using lipstick before giving blowjobs? That's because super colour fragile lipsticks makes the dicks atrocious.

5. Titanic?

Yeah I don’t fully remember the plot of the movie, all I know is that something big goes down.

6. Why couldn't the lifeguard rescue the hippie?

He was too far out.

7. I'm concerned my cat has become a communist.

He keeps saying "Mao."

8. I went on a couple dates with a pirate. At first I was skeptical, but then I spent a night in bed with her.

That’s when I was hooked.

9. Why didn't I have fun at your haunted house?

Well, nothing jumps out at me.

10. Why didn't I have fun at your haunted house?

Well, nothing jumps out at me.

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